True Stories Told on Insurance Forms 1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. 3. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. 4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 6. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 7. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. 8. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. 9. I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole. 10. I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. 11. I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 12. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. 13. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 14. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. 15. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. 16. An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. 17. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull. 18. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. 19. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him. 20. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. 21. In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. 22. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs. 23. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?" The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
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