You just tried to enter your password on the microwave. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?" Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn, so she can create a screen saver. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and you turn around to go get it. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet. Your idea of being organized is multicolored Post-it notes. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls. You disconnect from the Internet and get an awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :) You're reading this. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else.
Following questions and answers were collated from last year's British GCSE exams(16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.- A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Religious Education Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels...just lean on each other until they arrive."
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will NOT have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
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