A first-grade class comes in from recess, and the teacher asks a little girl what she did outside. I played in the sandbox, she says. Thats good, replies the teacher. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write sand correctly, Ill give you a cookie. The girl gets her treat, and the teacher asks a boy wearing a turban what he did during recess. I tried to play in the sandbox, but everyone threw rocks at me, he says. Thats blatant racial discrimination! says the teacher. And if you can write blatant racial discrimination on the board, youll get a cookie.
A husband returns home from work one night to discover that his wife is missing. He spends the next two days looking for her, only to come home on the second night and find his spouse sitting in the kitchen, eating some pasta. Youre alive! he cries. Where have you been all this time? These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week, she replies. But youve only been gone two days Yeah, Im just here to get something to eat.
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with spectacular breasts and offers her $100 to let him bite them. Are you nuts? she scoffs. What about for $1,000? he asks. Listen, you sick pig, she says. Im not that kind of woman. You wouldnt even do it for $10,000? the man asks hopefully. Youll pay me $10,000 to bite my breasts? she asks. OK, lets go over to that dark alley. Once there she takes off her blouse, and the guy begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them. Hey, are you gonna bite them or what? she huffs. Nah, he shrugs. Too expensive.
A nun wearing a full black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her in the face. Before she can scream, he lands a quick jab and finishes with an uppercut. She goes down, and the drunk starts kicking her in the sides. A few of his friends walk out of the bar, and as they pull him off the bloody nun, he yells, Youre not so tough, are you, Batman!
A bum asks a man for two dollars. The man says, "If I give you the money, will you just use it to buy booze?" The bum says no. The man asks, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says no. Then the man asks, "Then will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?"
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