A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says,"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" " Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?' "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" "But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman. "I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff. "Yes, that's true....but you have all the equipment..."
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, " Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look too long."
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."
Children's Letters To God: Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy Dear GOD, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane Dear GOD, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother! -Darla Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. -Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am) Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L. Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce Dear GOD, If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set. -Raphael Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth M. Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey D. Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
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