It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!' 'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.' 'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'
A worried father confronted his blonde daughter one night. 'I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid!' 'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied, 'He's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.'
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. 'Mother, where do babies come from?' The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.' The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. Thats how you get a baby, honey.' The child seems to comprehend. 'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?' 'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband. The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?' The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.' When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband. When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?' She responds, 'This is the dress of love.' 'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'
A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, hes perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. 'Son, theres been a bit of a mix-up,' admits the surgeon. 'Im afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.' 'What!' gasps the patient. 'You mean Ill never experience another erection?' 'Oh, you might,' the surgeon reassures him. 'Just not yours.'
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