A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, 'When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?' The husband replies, 'All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.' 'What are you thinking now?' the wife asks as she undresses. The husband quickly replies: 'It looks like I did a pretty good job.'
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously. 'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him. 'Your boyfriend then?' he asked. 'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear. 'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman: 'Do you know what I`m doing ?' 'Yes,' she says, 'you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.' 'Correct,' says thedoctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. 'Do you know what I`m doing now',he says. 'Yes,' says the woman, 'you`re checking for any lumps or breastcancer.' 'That`s right,' replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. 'Do you know,' he pants 'what I`m doing now?' 'Yes,' she says. 'You`re getting herpes.'
A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. 'Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter.' Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. 'Will you marry me?' he calls to the frog. Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, 'No.' Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks - let's try that again. 'Will you marry me?' he asks the frog. Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, 'No!' Twitch - the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, 'Will you marry me?' Frog yells back, 'Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!'
A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together. The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out. The bartender took one look and said, 'How did it go last night?' The mouse said, 'Man, that was the best sex I ever had.' The bartender asked, 'Why do you look so bad?' The mouse replied, 'Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!'
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