A young man at a New Years party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette. 'I thought you made a New Years resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.' 'What's phase one?' 'I've quit buying.'
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to Feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he asked, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?" Bill replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?" "Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde Waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?" "Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled guilty. ... The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning each of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
64 TV Axioms: - Good guys always shoot better than bad guys. - Good guys are always outnumbered. - Good guys always win and get the girl. - Good guys are always good looking. - Good guys are the only ones with a sense of humor. - Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg. - Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys. - Good guys don't take drugs. - Heros wear clothes that dirt can't stick to. - Ugly people are always bad guys. - Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but they will never stick around to see if it works. - The bad guy chickens out first. - The police are smart. - police never wait for back-up. - Undercover cops are too good to be spotted, especially when wearing dark sunglasses. - All police killings are in self-defense. - Police chases must include a car going through a plate glass window. - Car wheels screech on any corner, even on dirt. - After being shot, there is always enough time to escape. - The chances of getting into an accident increases proportionally as the car goes slower. - Burglar alarm system's connection box is on the outside wall. - Private detective work is glamorous. - Cars will explode in all accidents. - Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness. - Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways. - Teenagers are always smarter than their parents. - High School students look thirty years old. - The suburbs are exciting. - Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten. - All Chinese people know Karate. - Indians make good fodder. - All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the bases loaded. - Everybody wins in Las Vegas. - Nobody has time to watch TV. - Nobody ever has trouble finding parking spots when they are in a hurry. - Housework is never needed. - Street vendor's carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases. - Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool. - The last 5 minutes of any TV show will expain the entire plot. - The last 5 minutes will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials. - In case of emergency, speak in cliches. - 95 pound women in tight skirts can throw around 300 pound muscle-bound men. - Fist-fights don't result in bruises. - Helicopters are attracted to mountains. - No one ever mumbles, stutters, or says "um..." - People normally wake up in the morning with make-up on. - There are no really ugly women, only really ugly men. - If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall. - Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation. - Crazed maniacs have super-human strength. - Everyone has a "dark" secret. - Haunted houses are never locked. - Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music. - Rich people are unhappy. - Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders. - When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth. - Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three of four days. - Midnight happens more than once in a monster movie. - To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 minutes before sunset. - Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into the dark cellar never came out. - The group always splits up to look for the alien. - Movies based on true stories are always made up. - Computers never crash. - Teenagers can access any computer by using their home PC. - Computers know everything. - You must type frantically to keep a 3-D image moving on the screen. - In the end, all resource limitations are overruled.
Free video chat meeting room conference. Use Free video conference software, make conference call video / audio. Live room chat Voice comunication with free audio / video chat.
Online webcode Editor
Paste & Share Code
Videos
Horoscop
Last News Finder
ANVOS-SERVICE SRL
Blog de Fizica
Websites Development
SEO Dashboard Tools
Get Ip Information
Minichat script code
Online Counters
Website Worth
Free Backlinks
Free Star Rating API
The Code Of this site is Copyrighted © and Registered ®. The owner of code of this System is "Sergiu Gordienco Vasile", the rights are protected by Law. If you are interested by this, contact him on astraluxkl@gmail.com or send SMS on: (+373) 78310479
We are glad to discuss your purpose sincerely GenerationUnion Support Team astraluxkl2@gmail.com.
426 » Best and Different
