(True Story) Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam: A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check. After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company: 'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding... Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI. Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle? Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: You have a gun in there? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!? The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation. Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure, Officer. Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun. Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there. Driver: No problem. The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire. Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
Top Ten Statements of George W. Bush: 10) "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" January 29, 2000 (As opposed to less many?) 9) "The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law." November 22, 2000 (Talk about an efficient government, George W. has eliminated the duties of the appellate court in a single speech.) 8) "The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." January 30, 2000 (Does George W. have plans he is not telling us?) 7) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." January 27, 2000 (Specially, when they won't stand still...) 6) "The government is not the surplus's money." November 5, 2000 (Obviously, English is not the president's language.) 5) "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans." September 19, 2000 (And, just when I thought I was real.) 4) "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" January 11, 2000 (Most people's grammar is simply too good to ask that question.) 3) "Our priorities is our faith." October 10, 2000 (Obviously, grammar is not.) 2) "The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of their own money." September 13, 2000 (So tax cuts are designed to reduce our life span?) 1) "I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children." October 11, 2000 (George W. is the first president to recognize the connection between racial profiling and the ability to read!)
A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks. A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks." The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.
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