A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father says, "Making a puppy." So they walk on and go home. A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father replies, "Making a baby." The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy."
There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up. The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky." The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!" The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?" He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and Starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a Rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the Steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that If you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says. The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 75 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day ".
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1959, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean no sex since 1959!" She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1959!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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