John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But, officer," the man began, "I can explain" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
What Exactly Is Marriage? "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry? "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old "My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years old Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years old How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet? "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, nine years old "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, eight years old What Do Most People Do on a Date? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, ten years old "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, nine years old When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, ten years old "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, nine years old The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married? "You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, ten years old "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, nine years old "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, seven years old
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away. Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please." Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man." Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!" Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!" The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders. Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?