A young couple in love were in an automobile accident the night before their wedding, and both were killed. In heaven, they approached St. Peter. "My fiance and I really miss the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter replied, "I'll tell you what -- after you have gone through an appropriate waiting period, we will talk about it again." Five years pass and the couple still wanted to get married. They approached St. Peter again, and he told them, "I'm sorry, I know that five years was a long time to wait, but there's a problem. You'll have to wait a little bit longer." Another five years pass, when St. Peter excitedly approached the couple. "Your wait is over, and you may marry now. Thanks for your patience." The couple got married. Unfortunately, soon after the wedding, the couple realized that they were not compatible. Going to see St. Peter, they asked if their was such a thing as divorce in heaven. St. Peter gave them a cold stare, and said sternly, "Look, it took us ten years to find a minister up here. Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"
An elderly laywer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up. A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. "That old fool," she chuckled. "I told him that we should have put the money in the basement!"
A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office. The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?" "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions." "Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?" "Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
A blonde and a lawyer found themselves sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asked the blonde to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time she asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde fifty dollars. The lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde paid the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asked him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thought about it for a long time, but finally gave up. He handed the blonde a $50 bill, and asked her what the answer was. Without saying a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him. Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. "Pete, it's Joe. From high school. It's sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself." "I am," whispered Pete. "I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don't tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money."
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