An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it had a pearl worth $50,000 .....please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending too much time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of whiskies, then threw his down in one gulp. His wife took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she sputtered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you thought I was out enjoying myself every night!"
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Sally came home with her new fur coat. When her daughter saw the coat she yelled: "Mum, you should be ashamed of yourself to wear a fur coat! Don't you realise that than poor dumb animal has suffered for that?" Sally looked at her daughter angrily and shouted out: "Don't you dare to talk about your father like that...!"
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even considereating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
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