There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00." "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... " "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... " "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000 ... " "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! But before we hang up, something else ... " "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... " "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... " "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye ... I do too ... " The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand and asks all those present, "Okay... who's phone is this?"
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer/ice cold pop. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women
Quotes From The Perfect Man There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually, want their wives to do those things they show? My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house? Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough. Why don't you relax this weekend? I'll take care of the cooking and housework. Quotes From The Perfect Woman I'm sorry for leaving the toilet seat down, dear. I don't see what the big deal about those Chippendale dancers is. I prefer a man with some meat on his bones. I was wrong ... you were right. I'm sorry I argued. Forget Ally McBeal, let's watch Monday Night Football and have a belching contest. Just wear whatever you want to my parents'. You always look just fine!
How To Impress A Woman Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. How To Impress A Man Show up dressed provocatively. Bring Food and Beer.
Crossing the river One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing t he boat a couple of times. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
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