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Funny Jokes: Clean Comic Humor - Best and Different - 1 » 14:50 28 Thu Mar 2024

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  • 766 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Q. Why can't blondes water-ski? A. Every time they get wet between the legs, they lie down.

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 767 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A distraught young woman decides to throw herself into the ocean. Down at the docks, a handsome young sailor notices her tears, takes pity on her, and says, "Hey, youve got a lot to live for. All you need is a new start. Im off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. Ill take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slips his arm around her shoulders and adds, "Ill keep you happy, and youll keep me happy." She agrees, and the sailor brings her aboard that night and hides her in a lifeboat. Every night he brings her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they make passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she is discovered by the ships captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asks. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explains. "Hes taking me to Europe, and hes screwing me." "He sure is, lady," says the captain. "This is the Staten Island ferry."

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 768 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find No Trespassing signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, Ive hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here." The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "Ill make you a deal. Weve got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but weve grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, Ill let you hunt on my property." Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard wont let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "Im going to shoot his cow!" He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM! Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, "I got the cat and dog too! Lets get the hell out of here!"

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 769 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey. "Hey," he says, looking down the bar, "is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too. An ailing Italian with a humpback walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti too. A redneck swaggers in and hollers, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Heyis that Gods Boy down there?" The bartender nods, so the redneck orders Him a bottle of beer. As Jesus gets up to leave, He touches the Irishman and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman jumps up and dances a jig. Then Jesus touches the Italian and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italians humpback straightens, and he does a flip. Just then the redneck yells, "Dont touch me! Im drawing disability!"

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 770 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh. "Do you know what Im doing?" he asks. "Yes," she replies. "Youre checking for any abrasions or abnormalities." "Thats right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what Im doing now?" "Youre checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies. "Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what Im doing now?" "Yes," she says. "Youre getting herpeswhich is what I came here about in the first place."

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

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