A man walks up to his house and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance without answering. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist? he asks again. The old man slowly looks at him and says, Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandmas idea.
A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. Who knows what sound a cow makes? she asked. Mary put her hand up and said Moooo! Very good replied the teacher, what sound do sheep make? Baaaa answered Johnny. She continued this for a while. Then she asked What sound does a pig make? All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose the shy little boy at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, Up against the wall, motherfucker!
My God! What happened to you? the bartender asks Sean as he hobbles in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. I got in a tiff with Riley, he replies. Riley? Hes just a wee fellow, the bartender says. He must have had a weapon in his hand. That he did. A shovel it was. Dear Lord. Didnt you have anything in your hand? Aye, that I didMrs. Rileys left tit, Sean laments. And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.
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