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Funny Jokes: Clean Comic Humor - Best and Different - 1 » 06:58 20 Thu Jan 2022

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  • 786 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him. "What is it?" sighs the president. "Its this abortion bill. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Go ahead and pay it," says the president.

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 787 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door. In walks her husbands friend Ben. The woman tells him her husbands in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. Ill give it to you if youll open your bathrobe for me." Shes offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. Ill give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now shes really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door. Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty. "Who was that?" the husband asks. "Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers. "Ben?" the husband says. "Did he bring the $800 he owes me?"

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 788 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank youIm a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes, so what Id like to do is give each of you one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself." "Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," says the genie, "its the least I could do. And you, maam, what do you want?" "I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife. "Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because Ive been trapped in that bottle, I havent had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you dont mind, honey, I dont either." The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After hes through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "Thirty-five," she replies. "And he still believes in genies?"

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 789 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, youve given not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way? The lawyer replied, First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income? Embarrassed, the director mumbled, Umno. Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair? The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. Or that my sisters husband died in a car accident, the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, leaving her penniless with three children?! The humiliated director said simply, I had no idea So if I dont give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to you?

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 790 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. I've never been better! he boasted. I've got an 18-year-old bride whos pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that? The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened? the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, No. The doctor continued, The bear dropped dead in front of him! Thats impossible! exclaimed the old man. Someone else must have shot that bear. Replied the doctor, Thats kind of what I'm getting at.

    2009/08/02 01:06 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

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