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Funny Jokes: Clean Comic Humor - Best and Different - 1 » 02:21 29 Fri Mar 2024

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  • 806 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignores the voice, but hes becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas. The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrahs." He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table." The man does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17. "Now watch," says the voice. The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21. The voice says, "Fuck."

    2009/08/02 01:07 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 807 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it did some astronaut training near a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. What are these guys in the big suits doing? A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. They then took the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elders message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the message said, Watch out for these guys. They have come to steal your land.

    2009/08/02 01:07 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 808 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, theres nobody there, but theres a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street. Five years go by, and theres another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again theres no one standing there, but theres a snail on the welcome mat. The snail looks up and says, What the hell was that all about?

    2009/08/02 01:07 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 809 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly mans man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, Bring me my red shirt. The First Mate quickly retrieved the Captains red shirt and, while wearing the bright frock, he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the days triumphs and one of the them asked the captain: Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied: If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid. All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly mans man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout once again spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and, without fear, turned, and calmly shouted: Get me my brown pants.

    2009/08/02 01:07 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 810 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions. The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Mahon replied, One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it. I cant print that, said the reporter, Is there another event that made you really happy? Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy. Again the reporter knew he couldnt print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad? Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, Well, I got lost once.

    2009/08/02 01:07 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

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