One day about a month ago, President Bush was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls in a local lounge, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" She replied, $200. To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was $100. He then asked the redhead. Her reply was, "Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times, and keep it rising like the gas prices, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you do the public, then believe me, Mr. President, it isn't going to cost you a damn cent."
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool." says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good evening, kids!" About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!"
Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee. The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar. As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said, "Honey, I don't understand it. Here you are a young bride with an old husband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw." "That guy," said the bride, "double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years and I thought he was talking about money!"
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her ... He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back. She looks unimpressed as she breaches and shows a larger more well formed hump. Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it. Once again she looks unimpressed and she blows a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow. Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole! He swims back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attention with a disgusted look on her face . . . As she swam off she said, "I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!"
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