A few weeks after a young man had been employed; he was called into the Human Resources administrator's office. 'What is the meaning of this?' the personnel officer asked. 'When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I have discovered this is the first position You've ever held.' 'True', the young man answered with a smile, 'in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination.'
A man was talking to the Lord about women. "Lord why did you make women so beautiful?" The answer came, "So you would look at them." Again the man asked, "Lord why did you make women so lovely?" The reply came down, "So you would love them." The man asked one more question. "Lord, why did you make women so dumb?" The Lord said, "So they would love you."
A man is trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?" God answered: "A million years is like a minute." Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny." Finally the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?" And God says: "In a minute."
M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn't hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven. The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says "Virgin Mary speaking." M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn't. M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. "Virgin Mary speaking," comes the response. "Is James there yet?" asks M. Again the answer is no. M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again. "Hello, Mary speaking"
Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says: "when I grow up, I want to be prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barks: "what in the name of God did you say?" "A prostitute," Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sign of relief and says: "thank God! I thought you said a Protestant."
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