An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied. The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you," he replied. The Receptionist replied; "Speaking like that you have caused much embarrassment to the people in this room. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The receptionist then said I suggest that you leave the room and come back and rephrase your answer The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear? she asked "I can't piss out of it," he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with pensioners and you will lose!
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large un-friendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
A man went to visit his 90-year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean"? Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you, those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore." Later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, Grandfather's dog, who was lying on the floor, started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get your butt out of the way!"
A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!?
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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