On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired "How much for a season pass?"
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers.
Tech: Internet Technical Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please? Female Customer: Yes I want to speak to the person in charge immediately! Tech: Speaking. What can I do for you? Female Customer: I want to complain about the pornographic bookmarks your company put in my web browser! Tech: We didn't put any pornographic bookmarks in your web browser. Female Customer: Oh yes you did! I'm looking at them right now! (Tech remembers the Netscape history list and grins to himself) Tech: Where exactly are these "bookmarks" located? Female Customer: In Netscape! Tech: And where exactly in Netscape would that be? Female: In that little list that comes down when you click the little down arrow! Tech: The one right above the Net Search button? Female Customer: Yes that one! Tech: Miss, that's the Netscape history list. Netscape keeps the past ten links you typed in that box. The only way to put an address in that box is for someone to physically sit at your computer and type in a web address. Female Customer: Well I certainly didn't type in those X rated web addresses! Tech: Well somebody did. Who else has access to your computer, and uses the Internet? Female Customer: Just me and my husband! (Several seconds of silence pass ... Hey! I wasn't going to say it!) Female Customer: ........ oh ............. OOOH! ... Thank you. (She quickly hung up)
1. Viruses are free. 2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive. 3. Viruses don't need 80 megs of RAM. 4. Viruses don't have major bugs. 5. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation. 6. Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp. 7. Viruses aren't on every computer. 8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32... 9. Viruses install themselves !
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic. Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Free video chat meeting room conference. Use Free video conference software, make conference call video / audio. Live room chat Voice comunication with free audio / video chat.