A blonde goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says 'OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member'. After that, the blonde immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, 'Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth.'
Man to his wife: Darling our business is going down.. if you learn to cook we can remove our cook. Wife replies: Darling if you learn to fuck we can remove the driver, the gardener & the pool-boy!
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. 'Listen,' says the Doc, 'I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.' Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. 'Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!' 'Well,' says the physician, 'I'm glad I could help.' 'By the way, Doc,' the patient adds, 'You have a REALLY nice house.'
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
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