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Funny Jokes: Clean Comic Humor - * - 1 » 09:34 19 Fri Apr 2024

Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor

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  • 191 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half" .... You're never 36 and a half .... you're four and a half going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!! But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........ You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ...

    2009/08/02 00:49 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 192 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Question: What is the true definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This message is sent to you using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Chinese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Pakistani lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegal..... That, my friend, is Globalization!

    2009/08/02 00:49 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 193 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip. Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go. "One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University." The interviewer asked the next candidate the same question. "Two million dollars," answered the doctor, "and I want to give one million to my family and leave the other million to medical research." The third candidate, a lawyer, was asked the same question. "Three million dollars!" replied the lawyer. "Why so much?" the interviewer inquired. The lawyer replied, "If you give me three million, I'll keep a million, give you a million, and we'll send the engineer."

    2009/08/02 00:49 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 194 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

    2009/08/02 00:49 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 195 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

    2009/08/02 00:49 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

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