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Funny Jokes: Clean Comic Humor - * - 1 » 09:55 28 Thu Mar 2024

Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor

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  • 131 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A defendant was on trial for murder in a case where there was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. Knowing that his client would probably be convicted, the lawyer resorted to a trick during his closing statement. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for all of you," he said, looking at his watch. "In approximately one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He then looked towards the courtroom door. The jurors, stunned, looked on eagerly. A minute passed and nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I made up the previous statement. However, you all looked on with anticipation. Therefore, I say to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, now clearly confused, retired to deliberate. Within a few minutes, they returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how," asked the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt, I watched all of you stare at the door." "You're right, we did look," replied the jury foreman, "however, your client didn't!"

    2009/08/02 00:48 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 132 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?" she blurts. "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily. "Gold of course," says the man proudly. The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

    2009/08/02 00:48 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 133 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the hell is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

    2009/08/02 00:48 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 134 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

    2009/08/02 00:48 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

  • 135 » Best and Different Funny Jokes, Comic & Humor


    Chemistry of the sexes Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

    2009/08/02 00:48 - Sunday » jokes, dirty jokes, clean jokes, humor, comic

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