Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs mating in someone's yard. The driver says: "That is great. Me and my wife do that every night." The passenger replies, "My wife is conservative, she likes the old fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like to try it." The driver says: "Give your wife two drinks and she will be all set." The next morning they're cruising along and the driver asks "How was it?" The passenger answer: "It was great, but it took my wife ten drinks." The driver looks at him funny and says "TEN DRINKS?" The passenger says "Yes. After two she was more than willing to make love that way, but it took her eight more to get her out on the front lawn!
An American businessman was in Japan He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming, "Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!" which the guy took to mean pleasurable. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said, "FUJIFOO." The Japanese clients looked confused and said, "No, you got the right hole."
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Talking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With YOU!" he said. "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, "what the hell was that for?". She replied, "That was for 50 years of the worst sex I ever had!" As they continued down the road, suddenly the man hit his wife square in the face. She turned to him and said, "what was that for?" He said, "that was for knowing the difference."
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