A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
Men is at the airport. - Name? - Abdul al-Rhazib. - S*x? - Three to five times a week. - No, no... I mean, male or female? - Male, female, sometimes camel. - Holy cow! - Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general. - But isn ´ t that hostile? - Horse style, doggy style, any style! - Oh dear! - No, no! Deer run too fast! :-))
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks 'whats your name ?' 'Carmen' she replies, '... I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?' The man looks her up and down and sayes 'Beerpussy ...'
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1016 » Lawyer jokes
