A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. Can I help you? she asks with a knowing smile. I was wondering, whispers the man. Are you the one who gives the hand jobs? Yes, she purrs. I am. Well, wash your hands, he says. I want a cheeseburger.
A man walks into his doctors office after having taken several tests to learn the results. The doctor asks the man to sit down. I have some bad news for you, Mr. Phillips. I am afraid that you have cancer and Alzheimers disease. The man replies, Well, at least I dont have cancer.
A guy starts a new job, and his boss says, If you marry my daughter, Ill make you a partner and give you a $1 million salary. The guys puzzled, until he sees a picture of the girlshes hideous. But he accepts, figuring the moneys worth it, and they get married. A year later the guys up on a ladder hanging a picture and yells to his wife, Bring me my hammer. She mumbles, Get the hammer, get the hammer, and grudgingly fetches the hammer. The guy says, Hand me the nails. She mumbles, Get me some nails, get me some nails, and does so. The guy starts hammering, hits his thumb, and yells, Ow! Fuck me! She shuffles off, mumbling, Get the bag, get the bag
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation? He shrugs and says, Your guess is as good as mine, lady. Were just here to paint the halls.
A burly Irishman is drinking in a bar. A tiny gay fellow sits beside him. After a few beers, the gay guy whispers, Do you want a blow job? The gigantic man flips out, roars in anger, and tosses the little guy out of the bar, then returns to his stool. The shocked bartender says, Ive never seen you react like that. What did that guy say? Dunno. Something about a job.
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