Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine years old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either." The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?" The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother." The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?" The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"
A man burst into a crowded bank, ordered everyone into a corner, and then got his bag filled with packets of money. But instead of running out, he approached the crowd of terrified customers. He picked out one and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" "No sir, I sure didn't," the man replied -- "But my wife did."
1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. 8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. 11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. 13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month. 16) Good chocolate is easy to find. 17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake. 20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
Here is a good one for some of those bosses out there!!!!! When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss. The brain explained that since he controlled all parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man whereever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all of the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed that hard that the asshole became mad and closed up. After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs went wobbly, the stomach got ill, the eyes crossed and were unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss. This proves that you don't have to be a brain to be boss...... Just an asshole.
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,"This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note. Having written a quick reply, she asked the waiter to take it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million sterling in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my willy. Just send the bottle back."
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