When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?" When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public. When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public. When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad. When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot. When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked. When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????" When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason. When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets. When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together. When you are married ....You wonder who will die first. When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy." When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out. When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is. When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area. When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood." When you are married ....He says "It's your job." When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends. When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away. When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things. When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare. When you are dating..... He calls you by name. When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in her hand. Man: "What was that for?" Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?" Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on." The wife was satisfied, and apologized for hitting him. Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head. Man: "What's that for this time?" Wife: "Your horse called."
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00." "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... " "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... " "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000 ... " "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! But before we hang up, something else ... " "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... " "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... " "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye ... I do too ... " The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand and asks all those present, "Okay... who's phone is this?"
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer/ice cold pop. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women
Quotes From The Perfect Man There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually, want their wives to do those things they show? My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house? Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough. Why don't you relax this weekend? I'll take care of the cooking and housework. Quotes From The Perfect Woman I'm sorry for leaving the toilet seat down, dear. I don't see what the big deal about those Chippendale dancers is. I prefer a man with some meat on his bones. I was wrong ... you were right. I'm sorry I argued. Forget Ally McBeal, let's watch Monday Night Football and have a belching contest. Just wear whatever you want to my parents'. You always look just fine!
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