A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" "No." replied the Managing Director indignantly. "Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and high bovine productivity. You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the churchyard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected, all incorrect spelling has been left in. 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness's. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off. 2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night. 4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada .. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times. 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone. 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men? They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts. But what would they have said when they left ...? Scroll down ... "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?" "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!" "Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in there!" "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!" "And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!" "Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?"
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