How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed; 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed; 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb; 4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs; 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb; 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished; 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark; 8. One to viciously smear #7; 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along; 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
Once Bill Clinton visited a elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident". Then he said, "Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car." Clinton says, "No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a busload of kids drove off a cliff." Clinton says, "No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?" A boy raises his hand and says and says, "If you and Mrs. Clinton was on a plane and it blew up." Then Clinton says, "Well, Yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?" And the little boy says, "Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn't have been a great loss."
Four United States Presidents got caught up in a tornado and off they whirled to the land of OZ. They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard... "What brings the four of you before the great Wizard of Oz?" Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly: "I've come for some courage." "No Problem," said the Wizard. "Who's next?" Richard Nixon stepped forward, and said: "Well, I think I need a heart." "Done," says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?" Up stepped Bush and said: "The American people say that I need a brain." "No problem," said the Wizard. "Consider it done." Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, But he doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do you want?" "Is Dorothy Here?"
An old man approached the White House from a cross Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to her, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?"
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