A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. 'Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter.' Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. 'Will you marry me?' he calls to the frog. Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, 'No.' Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks - let's try that again. 'Will you marry me?' he asks the frog. Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, 'No!' Twitch - the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, 'Will you marry me?' Frog yells back, 'Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!'
A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together. The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out. The bartender took one look and said, 'How did it go last night?' The mouse said, 'Man, that was the best sex I ever had.' The bartender asked, 'Why do you look so bad?' The mouse replied, 'Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!'
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: 'For Women Only'. Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. 'We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside.' So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: 'All the men here have it short and thin.' The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: 'All the men here have it long and thin.' Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: 'All the men here have it short and thick.' They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: 'All the men here have it long and thick.' The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads: 'There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.'
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, 'I know the whole truth'. The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, 'I know the whole truth.' His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, 'Just don't tell your father.' Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, 'I know the whole truth.' The father promptly hands him $40 and says, 'Please don't say a word to your mother.' Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, 'I know the whole truth.' The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, 'Then come give your FATHER a big hug.'