PROOF THAT JESUS WAS... ...Jewish: 1. He went into his father's business. 2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God. ...Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He never held a steady job. 3. His last request was a drink. ...Puerto Rican: 1. His first name was Jesus. 2. He was always in trouble with the law. 3. His mother did not know who his father was. ...Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil. ...Black: 1. He called everybody brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. ...Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But the most compelling evidence of all - proof that Jesus was a WOMAN: 1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2 . He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen, the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. The blondes applauded.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. Henry Youngman It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Unknown If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. John Barrymore Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. Mistinguette Absence -- that common cure of love. Miguel De Cervantes
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. Janet Coleman The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. Andy Rooney The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. George Carlin If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. Joey Adams