Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. -- No further testing is planned.
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, 'What did you steal?' She replied, 'A can of peaches.' The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, 'I will then give you 6 days in jail.' Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, 'What is it?' The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'
The husband had just finished reading the book 'Man of the House.' He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, 'From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair? His wife replies, 'the funeral director would be my guess'
A few weeks after a young man had been employed; he was called into the Human Resources administrator's office. 'What is the meaning of this?' the personnel officer asked. 'When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I have discovered this is the first position You've ever held.' 'True', the young man answered with a smile, 'in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination.'
A man was talking to the Lord about women. "Lord why did you make women so beautiful?" The answer came, "So you would look at them." Again the man asked, "Lord why did you make women so lovely?" The reply came down, "So you would love them." The man asked one more question. "Lord, why did you make women so dumb?" The Lord said, "So they would love you."
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