Two Blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second Blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, "You dumb ass, it's me!"
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
Three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde, all work together in an office. Every day they notice the boss leaves work a little early. So they meet together and decide that today when the boss leaves, they will leave early too. The boss leaves and do do they. The brunette goes home and straight to bed so can get an early start the next morning. The red head goes home to get in a quick work-out before her dinner date. The blonde goes home and walks into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and sees her husband in bed with her boss, so she shuts the door and left. The next day, the brunette and the red head are talking about going home early again. They ask the blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. "The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor. She had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, thats amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "Ill tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping!"
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