A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked." "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.
Bob was excited about his new 338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices : Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob. Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bob, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
A chicken farmer walked up to the ticket window at the theater and the ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes." "I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. the old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He undid his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "Hell, at our age, we've seen 'em all." "I thought so too,' said Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn."
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. * * * * * * * * The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? * * * * * * * * Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals Attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend? * * * * * * * * Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and You do not have a boat. How do you manage it? * * * * * * * * Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, he drove up and said, 'Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The horse died. 'Chuck replied, 'Well, then, just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?' Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit of $998.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' Chuck grew up and works for the government.
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